It seemed like all the other kids from preschool to high school had copious amounts of brothers and sisters - with myself as the outlier.įor a long time I had yearnings for siblings, especially brothers (big shock). Growing up, I only ever knew one or two other only-children. Isn’t it weird that such seemingly simple longings can be so hard to find in life? Like you can find a guy for a one-night stand with just a few clicks of a phone app but not a guy to platonically love you and be your friend? That’s just the homoeroticism in you talking.” These are true longings of my heart, though some cynics might look at me and say, “Straight men don’t act like that or want that sort of thing. We’d be super close, going on various misadventures together, perhaps a big epic summer road trip to a bunch of national parks? Always laughing and joking together with our own inside jokes nobody else would get.
We’d have all met in college as roommates.
Yes, I’ve experienced those feelings with fellow “Side B” friends, but sometimes it only feels like one side of the coin.īack in my late teens and early twenties, I imagined what my own little close-knit guys’ friend group would look like. I just have a longing to be accepted, seen as a man among men. Still, it doesn’t seem beneficial to have these guys as my only niche for relationships. These brotherly relationships have been an incredible blessing, and I wouldn’t give them up for anything. Now, my relationships with so many brothers on YOB and the rest of the “Side B” world have been fantastic. Mark remains my only straight friend to this day, but his lack of physical or emotional affection leaves me feeling unsatisfied. I’ve written about my frustrations befriending straight men, getting only cold indifference in return. I want to be friends with these straight guys, but I know it will not be likely.Įven if I tried and managed to hang out with one straight guy, or even win a friendship with him, it’s not likely to be intimate to the extent I’d like. I can instinctively tell these guys are straight, and that’s part of the bittersweetness of it. But that’s not the main thing about them that catches my eye they legitimately look like nice guys who’d be cool to get to know. Yes, these gym guys are masculine, fit, and attractive. My feelings aren’t so much of a “saaaay, I’ll have some of what he’s having,” but are instead more of a sadness and longing. A lot of attractive gym guys often do catch my eye.īut lately these gym guys been catching my eye for different reasons. Now some “Side B” guys (those who hold to a traditional sexual ethic) say they can’t go to gyms because they’re afraid they’ll lust after the super attractive, fit guys there. I’m often on my own at the gym, doing my sets of weights and going into La La Land in between each set. I’ve written about working out semi-regularly.